


til morning light

by poisonrationalitie



Category: 19 Kids and Counting RPF, Counting On (TV) RPF
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV Child, Religion, Siblings, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28171650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonrationalitie/pseuds/poisonrationalitie
Summary: Jennifer Duggar is scared of the dark, corners, the Devil, and dark corners where the Devil is hiding.
Relationships: Jill Duggar & Jennifer Duggar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	til morning light

**Author's Note:**

> I found myself thinking about the weird things we pick up on as children even when nothing is explicitly said to us. This came from it.

It won’t be so scary in the morning. Jenni knows this. In the morning, it will be light, and she will be okay. She will have to be okay. Momma and Daddy will be downstairs in the morning, and she will have to be okay, otherwise God will be very angry with her and so will Daddy. But right now, the corner of her bedroom is very, very dark.

She curls into Jill, holding her shirt tightly. Jill’s arm is draped over her, but she has fallen asleep, and so it’s like she’s not really there. Her chest goes up and down, like everyone else’s, but nobody talks. Shadows dance across Jill’s face, and sometimes Jenni can’t tell if her eyes are open or not. She tries to time her breaths with Jill. Her little lungs expand as far as they can, but Jill doesn’t breathe out, and Jenni’s little face turns blue. She gives up, and when she breathes in again, Jill breathes out. She’s all warm and Jenni snuggles closer, adjusting her outstretched arm. 

She tells herself the Devil can’t get her if Jill’s arm is over her. He would wake Jill up. But they all have to wear leggings under their nighties just in case. Now she is thinking about the Devil, and he looks like Daddy when he’s angry and one of the pastors who smelled like fish who gave her a lollipop when they went to the big long meeting. She whines nervously. Nobody wakes up. She shakes her legs, but it still doesn’t do anything. She can see the Devil hiding in the corner of the room, watching her, and tears spring to her eyes.

“Jill,” she hisses, poking her sister on the cheek. “Jill! Jill Jill Jill Jill!” Jill groans, and Jenni pokes her on the other cheek. The shadow in the corner moves. She screams. 

At once, the lights are on, and she bursts into tears at the sudden change. Both of her little fists are balled against Jill’s shirt, and she throws her head back and forth, even when Jill hugs her.

“SHUSH!” Hannie yells in that silly voice, and it sounds like a man, like the Devil. Jenni cries harder, clinging to Jill to save her.  _ He’s gonna get me, he’s gonna get me, he’s gonna get me. _

“I was asleep!” Jessa snaps.

“Hannie, stop it,” Jinger says. 

“Uh uh, Jackson,” says Jana. The springs of a different bed squeal. 

“What is it, Jenni?” Jill asks softly. She’s the nicest person in the whole wide world, and Jenni sniffles into the crook of her neck.

“He’s gonna get me,” she whispers, lips trembling. “He was in the corner.” Jill stiffens. Jenni’s wet sobs soak into her skin. 

“Nobody’s there,” Jill promises. “Nobody’s in the corner.”

“I saw him,” Jenni says, but her eyes and limbs are heavy. She can’t fall asleep, but. He’ll come back when they turn off the lights. She knows this. In the morning, he is gone, and at night, he comes back and creeps towards their beds. She’s heard Momma and Daddy talk about it with Jill before. That’s why Daddy always locks the door. 

“Nobody’s there,” Jessa says sharply, like she does when Jenni drops something or runs away to hide from other grown-ups when they visit. Jenni blubbers an apology into Jill’s chest. Now Jessa’s got her in trouble. She tenses, but no blow comes. The lights go out instead. She eyes the corner.

“Come on, Jenni. We’re all safe in here. Daddy’s locked us in, remember?” Jill tells her. Jenni nods, because Daddy  _ did  _ do that. But God can go wherever He wants, even if the door is locked. Maybe the Devil can too. She scampers further up the bed, leaning against the headboard and staring at the corner of the room. Is he there? Is he coming?

“And I’ll protect you,” says a voice. Jenni whimpers loudly, but it’s only Jackson from the blanket heap on the floor.

“See?” Jill says, brushing some hair out of her eyes. “If anything comes, Jackson will protect you. And God will protect you. Why don’t we say a prayer?”

Jenni repeats after Jill, not taking her eyes off the corner, even when Jill tries to block it with her shoulder. 

“Come on, Jenni,” Jill says firmly. Jenni knows the tone. Reluctantly, she lays back down with Jill, putting her knees against the curve of Jill’s stomach and holding onto the neckline of her shirt. 

She just has to wait until morning. It’ll be okay in the morning. 


End file.
